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The Lighter Side of Umpiring

Take a little time to relax, laugh a little and have some fun. It is amazing what fans will yell out yet are not willing to step behind the plate. (The following were gathered from a number of sources on the web - if credit is needed let the webmaster know).

    1. You couldn't call a cab!
    2. The circus is in town and the clowns are wearin blue!
    3. I forgot more baseball than you know!
    4. Its a strike zone, not an end zone!
    5. You really shouldn't be in the game until you get warmed up!
    6. Blue's goin' home in the back of the ambulance (after a bad call)
    7. Come on blue, turn that mask around and get a GOOD look!!
    8. You can go home, blue. We'll take it from here.
    9. How about asking the audience?
    10. Do you want to use another lifeline?

    11. What were you, a lookout at Pearl Harbor!
    12. Hey Mr.Magoo, nice call.
    13. I forgot the Milk-Bone for your seeing-eye dog!
    14. If it was a donut you would have gotten there! (Umps out of position)
    15. How many fingers am I holding up?
    16. (For an umpire who is slow getting in position) C'mon blue, put the Snicker Bar down.
    17. Sweep the plate! It's the least you can do
    18. Go get 'em, Blue! Arf! Arf! Arf! (When the coach's mound visit has been going on too long)
    19. Move around, you're tiltin' the infield
    20. Do you take Visa or American Express?

    21. You're killing me blue
    22. Can I pet your seeing eye dog after the game?
    23. It sure sounded like a strike!
    24. How'd you get a square head in that round mask?
    25. Have they stopped printing the rulebooks in Braille?
    26. Don't donate your eyes to science, they don't want em'
    27. Does your wife let you make decisions at home?
    28. Pull the good eye out of your pocket
    29. I thought only horses slept standing up!
    30. Flip over the plate and read the directions.

    31. Wipe the dirt off that called strike.
    32. Sure you don't want to phone a friend?
    33. You can open your eyes now!
    34. Sit down, bus driver!
    35. If you need the money this badly, get a paper route!
    36. That was a strike in any bowling alley
    37. You flipping coins?
    38. Is that your final answer?
    39. Take off that welding mask
    40. What's your magic word?

    41. You seem like a really reasonable person!
    42. What's the count Blue?
    43. Dog Robber! (classic)
    44. Lenscrafter called...they'll be ready in 30 min.
    45. Open your good eye
    46. When your dog barks twice, its a strike!
    47. Next time buy a ticket if you're going to watch!
    48. Can I buy you another beer
    49. Eat a salad
    50. Kick your dog, he's lying to you!

    51. I bet if you had a biscuit that plate would be clean!
    52. Do you get any better or is this it?
    53. You're blinking too long!
    54. Do you travel with this team?
    55. Come on, Telus doesn't make that many bad calls!
    56. Munch! Munch! Munch! The Ump is out to lunch!
    57. I'm gonna break your cane and shoot your dog
    58. You couldn't make the right call if you had a phone book
    59. You couldn't make a call in a phone booth
    60. Juuuuuust a bit outside

    61. Move around Ump, you're killin' the grass!
    62. Leave the gift giving to Santa!
    63. Take out your glass eye and wash it
    64. OK....the next call should be ours
    65. Guess again, the last call was wrong
    66. Who signs your game cheques?
    67. Hey Blue, do you feel guilty?
    68. Be careful when you back up, so you don't fall over your dog
    69. If the pitcher is throwing too fast for you, we can ask him to slow it down
    70. The manager called, your uniform is ready

    71. Your strike zone is a moving target!
    72. You're getting better, you almost made the right call that time
    73. Punch a hole in that mask, you're missing a good game
    74. Hey Ump, how can you sleep with all these lights on
    75. If you're just gonna watch the game, buy a ticket
    76. Stevie Wonder could see that one!
    77. I've seen potatoes with better eyes!
    78. Looked pretty good from up here ump!
    79. I wish you'd have resigned!
    80. Do your sleeping at home ump!

    81. Lets go to Video Replay!
    82. Is that guy your nephew Ump?
    83. Why don't you get your seeing eye dog to call it for you?
    84. Hey Mr.Guess! Nice call!
    85. Ump, you're calling a worse game than a NFL ref!
    86. Little Boy Blue!
    87. Your Honor! I'd like to appeal that call!
    88. 3 Blind Mice, 3 Blind Mice
    89. For a guy that only works 3 hours a day, you're doing a pretty bad job!
    90. Hey blue, if you had one more eye you'd be a Cyclops!

    91. If you knew one thing about Newton's law of Gravity, that would have been called a strike
    92. Hey Blue, try looking BETWEEN the bars on your mask!
    93. RING..RING....Wake up call ump!
    94. You couldn't see the plate if your dinner was on it!
    95. Wake up Ump, You're missing a great game!
    96. Where can I get an application?
    97. Shake your head ump, your eyes are stuck!
    98. Sure is nice calling 'm safe ain't it? Everyone cheers. Ya done good
    99. This guy busted his behind running 90 ft, the least you could do is move 10 ft to make a call
    100. If that pitch were any more inside it would've ...(if near his gut) taken out his appendix! (if near his knee) been arthroscopic surgery!

    101. (Subway-city specific: New York, Boston, Philly, etc.)Come on, ump! If that pitch were any lower it would be in the subway!
    102. Just 'cause it's a night game, doesn't mean you should be asleep!
    103. If stupidity were bricks, you'd be Fenway Park!
    104. Those are radio balls he's throwing--you can hear 'em but you can't see 'em.
    105. Who taught you how to ump? Helen Keller?
    106. Ump, your arse called, it wants your head out by tomorrow!
    107. Somebody call the law, this guy is impersonating an umpire!
    108. Hey Blue, if you had another eye it would be lonely!
    109. I can see up and down from over here.

 

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